Anniversary

Where has the time gone. Lindsay and I arriving in the DR feels like so long ago and yet it also feels so recent. That was two years ago yesterday (November 3rd). So many things have changed in our lives and at our ministry since we first arrived, and though our time has been good here it has also been hard. I (Jon) think what makes working here so hard is not necessarily the work (although it can be very taxing), the other staff, or even adjusting to the new culture; but for me in particular, it is missing the people (family & friends) back in the States.

This last time I went back to the States was hard. Maybe the hardest of any of my times home (in Spencerville, OH). Going into the trip I had been feeling overwhelmed with work, and though I tend to thrive under pressure, I was looking forward to a bit of a break.

The break I was looking for and thought I needed didn’t exactly happen the way I would have liked, because if I was 100% honest, it didn’t feel like a break. After reflecting on my trip as a whole, I believe I know why. Whenever I go home I almost always get asked (usually multiple times in different ways) “When are you coming back?” In order to answer this question this time around I had to provide context. I told my family and friends how I am currently the only full time counselor on campus and how I was recently promoted to our lead counselor. This led a lot of people to ask more about my job and how this will change my life. I told them how my pay won’t change with my title, how I will work more hours (at least for the foreseeable future), and how I would like to work in this position at least two more years not only to learn how to do the job well but also to make positive changes to the position and to the program. When I told friends and family this, I was able to see a few different reactions with usually a combination of different emotions. I’m not sure how to describe the emotion I saw most commonly, but it was probably a combination of happiness and sadness. Proud that I am there in the DR doing what I am doing, but not verbalizing their joy likely because of sadness felt of not having Lindsay and I around.

When I reflect on our life currently, I tend to have the similar feelings of sadness for missing them and yet a love for the work I am doing. I love my job’s work, the spiritual uniqueness that is integrated in therapy, my coworkers/neighbors, and the place. All these things are true, however the reality is that none of these aspects stop time from moving forward.

Whenever Lindsay and I go back, changes are continually happening; whether that is through relationships growing and diminishing, families growing, jobs changing, people moving from one place to another, and so many more aspects of life that change with time. When I reflect on this I can’t help but think about how we are missing these moments. Whenever we go back to the States these thoughts tend to be in the forefront of my mind, as we are living in different pockets of those changes for only a brief time.

I sometimes ask myself if the disciples had similar feelings. I am sure they felt a high calling to be with Jesus and also generally loved doing and seeing the miraculous work that Jesus did for people, but I guess I wonder how they processed just being sad for missing good things in their old lives at home.

For many of the decisions I have made in life I have asked myself first, “am I putting myself in a position to be challenged and pushed towards Jesus?” And a follow up question that I often ask is, “is what I am doing worth the cost?”

Jesus addresses this issue to a crowd and the other disciples in Mark 8:34-38-

"And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, '

If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's, will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.'"

This is right after Jesus told the disciples he was going to die, and though Jesus was talking about being willing to die, I think the same can be said about any level of sacrifice God asks of any believer. God asks what can a man trade for his soul. This job gives something to my soul that no other job currently can give, because I believe God has asked me to do it.

I encourage anyone reading this- if you are at a crossroad, ask yourself what will put you in a better position to be closer to Jesus; and if you have hesitation, use those choices as a chance to ask our father and to choose to put yourself in a position where you will be pushed and challenged by our savior.

We still ask this of ourselves often throughout the process of just existing at CMA. These questions will always be applicable to our situation, no matter how long we have been here - whether it’s two years or twenty. We will continue to ask ourselves, are we denying ourselves to follow Jesus?